“If we are following Jesus, we cannot wait for the perfect
community. It was while we were yet sinners that Christ allowed his body to be
broken for us…Our commitment to one another in community can be no less than
his: ‘This is my body broken for you.’”
-F. Kefa Sempangi
Sitting in church on a hot South African Sunday, I am
sweating sitting still. The long beams of wooded ceiling are interrupted every
so often by the semi-transparent shingles on the roof of Gelvandale Lutheran
Church, letting the rays of the beating early morning sun come splaying
through. We are headed into the third hour of church by now, and I am waiting
anxiously, not to get out of church and change out of my dress pants and hot,
itchy polo shirt, but rather to walk towards the altar to receive the body and
blood of Jesus Christ through Holy Communion. What is it about communion that
is so important? We literally just take a piece of paper-like wafer and allow
it dissolve almost instantly on the tip of our tongue, and then drink
inexpensive wine from a chalice to wash down the un-dissolved bits of wafer
that are inevitably stuck to the roof of our mouths. What is it about communion
that sends a lump into my throat and puts me on the verge of tears every time I
take it? “…This is my body broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me.”
It is these words that make me feel so emotional in the
service, “my body BROKEN for you.” Jesus Christ was perfect, he was without
sin, yet he allowed himself to be broken and to be killed, for me. Why did he
do this for someone like me? I am not worthy of such a gift, yet I receive it
every time I take communion. In my brokenness, I am still loved beyond
comparison by God, who knows everything that I have done. He sees all of the
mistakes I have made in the past, yet he still loves me. I don’t deserve this
gift of grace, but I still receive it. If I am good enough for God, why should
I ever think that I am not good enough for communion, which is God? If I am
good enough for communion, then I am good enough for the world that God
created, including me.
It is easy to slip into the habit of placing our worth in
our abilities. We can place our value into the things we can offer people, or
in the ways we can help people. But all too often, I find myself placing my
value in the things that I can’t do or am not good at. I am not good at being
vulnerable, I am not good at being patient with people, I am not good at being
organized, I am not good at so many things. It’s no wonder that placing value
in these things can cause me to lose faith in myself and to judge myself to be unworthy
of God’s love. Even though I am not good at many things, there are a few things
I am good at, music, youth work, and teaching, to name a few. I came into this
YAGM year not knowing what to expect and not knowing how my skills would be put
to use. Though I have found that my skills are being put to use sometimes, I
find that I am here to be loved more than I am to put my skills to use. The
people that I spend my time with love me for the person I am, not for what I
can offer them. These people have taught me how to be a better listener, how to
be present in everyday conversation, and how to be okay with myself regardless
of how broken I may be.
My favorite time of
the week is when I get to sit and eat lunch with Auntie Vira at the daycare
center. She always makes such delicious food, and makes sure that I am well fed
before I leave for the day. The food is always amazing, but not at all what I
am most excited about. I am just excited to sit and talk with Auntie. I am
excited to hear from Auntie about her children and her family. I get to hear
about her daughter teaching in the Middle-East and about her other daughter and
the grandchildren she has given Auntie Vira. I get to hear about the food that
Auntie cooked for her own mothers 72nd birthday party, and event I
was invited to just so Aunties mom could meet me. I get to share with Auntie
about my family, about my brother who just got his dream job, and his wife who works
for an insurance company and how they both love their dog, Dexter. I get to
tell her about my mom and dad who were gracious enough to be okay with me
coming on this trip, believe me, it makes it much easier being here knowing
they support me in it.
When we have finished our lunch and the dishes are done,
Auntie Vira and I get to venture out into one of the classrooms where all of
the teachers gather to wait for parents to come and pick up their kids. Teacher
Lucia shares pictures of her new dogs with us all, teacher Samantha gets to
tell us about her adventures over the weekend, teacher Mona gets to share from
her tireless wealth of knowledge about all things South Africa with us, teacher
Dina gets to share stories of her late husband, teacher Rose gets to share
about her journey to become healthier, and teacher Eunice gets to share her
smile and her laugh with us (she is very quiet, but can laugh loud enough to
shake the windows). We all sit together and share
ourselves with each other. We don’t share our skills, we aren’t worried about
the things we aren’t good at or the things we can’t do. We aren’t focused on
that at all, but rather we are focused on being present with each other, on
being with each other and enjoying the life that God has given us, and enjoying
the time that God has allowed us to share with one another. We are focused on
giving ourselves to one another.
 |
| The teachers at the Daycare Center from left to right: Teacher Eunice, Auntie Vira,Teacher Virginia (Teacher June is Subbing for her), Teacher Mona Teacher Lucia, Teacher Samantha, and Teacher Dina, the head Matron |
It is moments like these that my mind jumps back to taking
communion, when we eat the broken body of Jesus. I am reminded that we all are
broken and that we all need healing in one way or another. But in this
brokenness, we are made whole by each other. We are comforted and we are
supported because no one is perfect. If we lived in a perfect society, the pressures
would be enormous to keep it that way. Because we live in a broken community
full of struggle and hurt, because Christ allowed himself to be broken for us, we are free to offer ourselves just as we are. We are
free to give ourselves over fully to the community because that is what is
truly needed. I can’t change the world with my skills, I can’t stop the hunger
in the community, I can’t make the pains of apartheid disappear overnight, I
can’t even teach the kids how to count to 10 sometimes, but I can offer my
whole self to this community.
Communion is the reminder we get every Sunday that God loved us enough to give up his life for us. He laid his body down to be broken so that we may live. In a Christian community, we are all broken, but we are loved abundantly by God. Communion shows us the radical change that can happen, simply by giving our whole selves in love to those who are around us, as God already has. I am extremely blessed to have been placed in a community where myself, broken and damaged, is good enough. I am good enough just as I
am, and the community of Port Elizabeth and my YAGM family refuse to let me think
otherwise. This is my body, broken, for you.
